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Microsoft Patents The Human Body As A Network Bus
It really sounds like an April Fool's Day joke, but it is really not. Microsoft, has actually succeeded in patenting the human body as a computer network. US Patent 6,754,472, issued to the company on June 22nd, is for a “method and apparatus for transmitting power and data using the human body”. Microsoft suggests using the body to generate power for the network, too. A “kinetic power converter” in the wearer's shoe or wristwatch would produce electricity in the same way that an old-fashioned self-winding watch extracted energy from its owner's normal movements. The patent points out that networked portable devices which employ infra-red or radio-frequency communication have limitations. Radio devices use a lot of power, and are prone to interference from others operating on similar frequencies. There are also fears that people might be able to hack into them or, at the least, listen in." And Microsoft does not seem to be wanting to stop at human bodies. Animals are fine too. Some more thing for patenting by Americans - 
General info about Human Body
First-year students at Med School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, "In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor. The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body." For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth. "Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it. When everyone had finished, the Professor looked at them and told them, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention."
A Short History of Medicine: "Doctor, I have an ear ache."
Who Designed the Body? Four engineers were sitting around one day trying to figure out who might have designed the human body. The first fellow says 'I think it might be a Mechanical Engineer, because of joints and muscle and sense of balance.' The other three nod there heads and say 'Yeah, could be.' The second fellow says 'I think it might be an Electrical Engineer, because of the nervous system and neural network.' The other three nod there heads and say 'Yeah, could be.' The third fellow says 'I think it might be a Chemical Engineer, because of hormonal balances and metabolism.' The other three nod there heads and say 'Yeah, could be.' The fourth fellow snaps his fingers and shouts out 'I know, it HAD to have been a Civil engineer!' The other three ask 'Why?' 'Well' says the fourth fellow, 'who else would put a waste water drainage right through a recreational area!' Natural childbirth A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his mother, "How was I born?"
Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence: "This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact that there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations." The Power of 10
The teacher asks, "Jessica, what part of the human body increases ten times when excited?" Jessica blushes and says, "That's disgusting, I won't even answer that question." The teacher calls on Johnny: "What part of the human body increases ten times when excited?" "That's easy," says Johnny. "It's the pupil of the eye." "Very good, Johnny," responds the teacher. "That's correct." She then turns to Jessica and says, "First, you didn't made your homework. Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, you're in for a BIG disappointment." Feed the bear before it catches you Two biologists are in the field following the tracks of a radio-collared grizzly bear. All of a sudden, the bear crashes out of the brush and heads right for them. They scramble up the nearest tree, but the bear starts climbing up the tree after them. The first biologist starts taking off his heavy leather hiking boots and pulls a pair of sleek running shoes from his back-pack. The second biologist gives him a puzzled look and says, "What in the world are you doing?" He replies, "I figure when the bear gets close to us, we'll jump down and make a run for it." The second guy says, "Are you crazy? We both know you can't outrun a full-grown grizzly bear." The first guy says, "I don't have to outrun the bear, I only have to outrun you!" The Deaf Frog A biologist was interested in studying how far bullfrogs can jump. He brought a bullfrog into his laboratory, set it down, and commanded, "Jump, frog, jump!" The frog jumped across the room. The biologist measured the distance, then noted in his journal, "Frog with four legs jumped eight feet."
Next, the biologist cut off the frog's back legs. Once more, he shouted, "Jump, frog, jump!" The frog just lay there.
"Jump, frog, jump!" the biologist repeated. The biologist noted in his journal, "Frog with no legs - lost its hearing." In the human body, which organ is in charge? All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was in charge. The brain said: "I should be in charge, because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen." "I should be in charge," said the heart, "because I pump the blood and circulate oxygen all over the body, so without me you'd all waste away." "I should be in charge," said the stomach, "because I process food and give all of you energy." "I should be in charge," said the rectum, "because I'm responsible for waste removal." All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight. Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, and the blood was toxic. Eventually the other organs gave in. They all agreed that the rectum should be the boss. The moral of the story? You don't have to be smart or important to be in charge... just an asshole. One Liner How do you tell the difference between boys and girls? Take their genes down.
How do you eat a DNA spaghetti? Biology is the only science in which multiplication means the same thing as division. If Darwin was right you will probably figure it out in a few million years.
Verse:
There are just four bases in DNA. Chorus:
It's your genome after all, Verse:
If your ACA turns to ACT
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"Well honey..." said the slightly prudish mother, "the stork brought you to us."
Then he cut the frog's front legs off. Again he ordered, "Jump, frog, jump!"
The frog struggled a moment, then jumped a few feet.
After measuring the distance, the biologist noted in his journal, "Frog with two legs jumped three feet."
It's Your Genome (After All)